Culturally Incorrect

Today's traffic through the halls has died down a lot compared to other days. People have been skipping classes and going home for Thanksgiving, I figure that most of the people ho are still here are from out of state or have more work to do than they can afford to forget about. The people who are here are mostly employees and people hurriedly trying to finish work before they go home, I assume. Those who aren't workers don't seem to care about how they look, they are dressed comfortably and wrapped up. There is a group of sorority girls, wearing their ZTA sweatshirts and talking loudly, huddled around a laptop. I've seen most of them around, had one of them in my Human Sexuality class as a Sophomore. I don't know much about any of them but I'm thinking about how awful it would be for them to only be stuck here because of sorority events, which is most likely the cause.
Everyone who works here is giving off the impression that they don't want to be here either and for good cause, but someone has to work throughout the holiday to keep things from going to chaos. Specifically, the people working at Einstein's are just sitting around drinking coffee and talking while on their phones. It doesn't look like they have had a customer all day, especially since everyone drinking coffee here have Starbucks cups. Out of curiosity, I went to the second floor of Corbett to see if there were more people in the computer lab or doing work anywhere else since it is much nicer than the first floor. I was partially surprised to find that the computer lap had more people, but not by much. I suspect that they are the ones that have the most work to do and no laptop of their own. If they were to go home and didn't have a way to do their work, it would be very problematic.
The girl working at the desk on the second floor is also playing on her phone and looks very bored. Actually, several of the people in the computer lab are not doing work, they are talking and on Facebook. If they aren't there to work, I'm wondering why they are there at all? Perhaps I am assuming that everyone is from somewhere else like I am and that they must leave to enjoy it. However, now that I think about it, Thanksgiving is an American holiday that probably most people don't even know about. I didn't even consider that people don't always understand it, even Americans.

accidentally prejudice?

I have recently cut my hair significantly shorter than it was before, so today I focused on how differently people looked and treated me in comparison. I refer mostly to strangers and those whom I was only acquainted with.

Before, when I would sit in the same spot every Sunday or Monday and watch people and feign interest on my phone to appear less creepy, I would often get looked at like I was doing something criminal or offensive. Few times people would approach me or ask me questions, mostly I caught stares and sharp glances. I feel that with longer hair, I was being much more judged for what I was doing and how I was behaving, even if it was mostly purely observatory. I would wear a black jacket and sit alone most times scratching notes onto a dingy notebook pad.

However, with a cleaner cut, although I wear the same clothes, and have all the same mannerisms, I am much more likely to get waved at or catch a smile from someone that I don't know. People approach me more and say things to me about how I look lonely or ask if they can sit with me. 

Today in particular, a girl came up to me with a cup of coffee and sat it by me, she told me that I looked like I needed it and I din't know how to respond, she told me her name was Anna, and she walked away. Never have I had this happen to me, no one has ever randomly bought me coffee or even approached me in such a way. It was so specific of an action that I ended up buying a coffee for someone else to keep it going.

Before, when my hair was longer and I felt more judged and restricted to social liberties, I never would have been able to imagine this type of feeling that came from pure benevolence. Somehow, in the midst of going through the motions of a more normal looking man to societal norms, I was found more worthy of being treated with benevolence. I don't doubt that I have passes Anna a thousand times throughout the course of my college career and it took me to change my appearance for her to be influenced to be so nice to me. It is interesting and frustrating to think that this is the way the world is. Altruism is hidden behind subconscious and conscious judgments of others and their level of need or deserving. However, it does still exist, contrary to my own prior beliefs.

Fallout 4

I pre-ordered Fallout 4 for Playstation 4. I found that a lot of people are as excited if not more excited about the release tonight. Several people have been talking about the graphics and gameplay and it has been getting me pumped to go and pick it up. I can't wait to play this game and these people are just as enthusiastic. There are several people that I only see from gaming conventions that are talking about how amazing this game is to be. There has been quite a bit of hype surrounding the release of this game for years and I have been talking about it with these strangers for a while. Some are computer science majors and graphic design majors that are talking about the programs that they used to make the game. It is interesting because they are talking about certain specs that I don't know anything about. CSRX17 or something like that and how it is able to process this high frame rate on an i9 processor. That much I understood, but I found it interesting because I found myself sitting with a motley crew of people that I wouldn't normally sit with. The only reason that I find it to be so interesting is because I have never talked with these people before and we are conversing so on depth about this game and other games that they admire or know about. I have played some of these games and they know about people or have worked with other people who have worked on games before. They seem very enthused with working on games like these in their careers and are talking about what they plan on doing after they graduate like I am a friend that they are comfortable with. One person has plans to move to Pasadena, CA and another to Culver, CA where there are supposed to be animation companies coming out of the woodworks. I had never even heard of the city but it is apparently where many videogame companies and cartooning companies are rooted. John, a red haired guy with a beard and a fascination with anime characters talks about this place with the hopes of being on Nickelodeon and perhaps working part-time as a YouTuber because there are many cartoons that he likes on YouTube that he can take ideas from. He is interested in moving there but is frustrated with the idea that the cost of living is so high and to take his St. Bernard, it would cost him thousands a month just to be in the area. He would be forced to work at least three jobs just to live out his life by the way that the cost of food in the area is three times higher than in Las Cruces. All this from talking about the release of Fallout 4. I can see myself becoming friends with these people because of their passions, although similar to mine, they are legitimate and they talk about what they know with such enthusiasm that it is inspirational to me. I am with my roommates that have degrees in animation and 3D rendering and they are also passionate about what they want to do. Their issue with the subject is that NMSU has good instructors but is underfunded in their opinion. There is quite a bit of money in the field that they want to work in but there are also so many people that want to work in the field that it is very difficult to find work. NMSU isn't as notable as say Perdue University and it causes issues because those from more prestigious colleges are most likely to get a job than those from a State college.

What happened to Thanksgiving?

America is a country built on racism so of course the first American holiday is based off of just that. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times, not because of the ability to indulge, although that is great, but because it is a chance to actually get a break from classes and school assignments to spend with my family. It allows for me to disconnect from the stresses of class and focus on sleeping and catching up on things that I have been slacking on. So, based on this idea, I would assume that more college students would be more excited about Thanksgiving and getting time away from school. However, the best thing that people tell me about Thanksgiving is that it means that Christmas is almost here, which is not wrong. More people are excited about Christmas and decorating although they insist that they are going home that it was a topic of discussion between my circle of friends at the same time that it was for the circles around us.
By now, there is a group of people that sit and do homework together that recognizes me from time to time and we will occasionally submerge in small talk about benign topics and feign interest to avoid being rude. They were talking about what their plans were for that break when I interrupted and asked about the much closer break that we have and they said that they did not know but at the end of the semester they were all going to go to Colorado to ski. This is perplexing that they have formed formal plans a month and a half early but cannot think three weeks into the future to think about where they will be while I am at home feasting. I wanted them to speak with the same enthusiasm as I was about the idea, but there was none from them, my friends, or anyone else that I had asked around me to be polite and nosey.
Christmas decor has begun being flung from shelves and I can tell from the seasonal sweaters being worn already and the premature cold November boots, however worn with yoga shorts. This generation confuses me logically. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are the popular thing right now and the smell of the simple cinnamon and nutmeg is overwhelming with the fake pumpkin smell.
Fall is my favorite season because of the changing weather and beauty that comes from seasonal death. But I am from a small town tucked behind high mountain tops that gets record snow fall each year and a warm winter is when it is above thirty-two degrees, I love and then hate the snow. The cold doesn't bother me much but I want others to like it as much as I do. But in Las Cruces, classes are cancelled if there is more than an inch of frozen water falling from the sky. Here people buy iced coffee, wear fur boots, sweaters, and shorts and complain about their body temperature irregularities in hope that Christmas will come sooner.

And.. Action

Today was interesting because there was a cameraman following around some guys throughout campus. They seemed to be everywhere that I was going, but further away from me. It was interesting because he was wearing a harness for the camera to steady it with control arms that came out and folded out. He looked robotic but also like he knew what he was doing. People would crowd around and watch and try to avoid being in the shot, some in a hurry, some just observing. Audio must not have been an issue because he kept talking to people and replied to questions that they asked him. Everyone seemed to be just as bewildered as I was and in no time, they had to stop filming so that they could do a Q and A. As I watched from afar, everyone spoke loud enough so that I could hear what they were saying.
They spoke mostly about the cameraman's career and college education. The poor actors that were with him were spooked by the crowd and insisted that they had to go. The ones forming a crowd were not the ones that I would expect to be so interested in the situation. Many of them seemed to be just random passerby's but the bulk of the group was actually staff. Of the about twenty or so people who stopped and asked him about what he was doing were Sodexo employees and professors it looked like. Apparently, he was an undergrad student that was trying to get his certification in camera works and needed to practice using his mechanism.
But the most bizarre and interesting thing was the people that either tried to make it in the shot or avoid being in the shot by turning around or walking around the scene altogether. Some people were annoyed by the camera and did not move at all or stormed off in the other direction.

Slack in the Box

This week I have a midterm paper due for one of my classes so I assume that other people have midterm assignments to do as well. I base this off of the amount of studious students slaving at their laptops and scribbling notes in notebooks. The air in Corbett is thick and quiet and every student's laptop is creating a melodic buzzing that can only be heard if you listen. None of these students are physically dolled up as I have seen before, rather, they are just the opposite. Most everyone looks deprived, pushing a deadline and finishing just on time or at least trying their best to. The dark smell of black coffee once again fills the room overpowering the smell of musty sweatshirts. Hair is a mess and pushed into pony tales and in a fashion that makes them look like they haven't showered in some time. Everyone looks evidently stressed and you can tell that they are upset with themselves for putting off their work for the last minute by the way that they sigh and groan and neglect their cellphones.
Among everyone slaving on their computers there are a few that seem to be leeching from the routers but even they are not dressed to impress. I am one of these people along with one of my friends, pushing out a term paper full of fact checking and reference making. Each time I look up I see someone leaving in a hurry or more people joining the ranks, averaging out the amount of zombies that take up the space. Interesting enough, Einstein's is closed and still the aroma of coffee only gets stronger, its as if there are people smuggling in hot pots in their backpacks because none of the people who have left ever come back.
There are also people that appear to be working in groups almost stereo typically. There are a few that look like they are in the zone and putting in their best effort without much conversation with the ones around them while some converse and type and others do nothing at all. One such group has made a large poster, the art students in the group are making it pretty while others are typing away and going back and forth to the printer and still there are two who linger. I am glad that I have not been forced to do many assignments in groups because I am always one of the ones that is trying to do all of the work for everyone else in fear of my grade, you can see it in their faces, they are determined while the lingerers are content with anything else that the others are willing to do. In these groups I have noticed however, that there is no one leader in most cases but people just doing things with little to no communication, they will show what they have done after they have already done it and despite opinion, it is too late to change it. And still the lingerers of the group smile and nod and play on their phones or listen to their music, looking in the other direction or talking to each other about irrelevant topics. Its a shame that they will make the same grade as everyone else there regardless of the amount of effort or participation.

Not-so-Witty-Banter

I have noticed that when people are uncomfortable around someone, perhaps because of threat or just shyness, they act much different than they do around those who they associate more with. Am example of this is when there is a group of four people sitting at a table, two are eating, two are just with them. The two eating happen to be females and the two others are males. The females are eating slower now that they are with the males than they were when they were alone. The males walked up and sat down and began talking to them, probably hitting on them. The females are eating slower and laughing softly at what is being said and are only talking when being addressed. This poses the possibility of threat, that they are unsure of who these men are and what they want from them. Or it could be that they are shy and just don't know them well enough yet to express themselves more naturally. 

Before the males sat down, the girls were talking and laughing and eating at a comfortable pace while not looking at their phones much at all. However, after being approached, they got much quieter and even overpowered by the sternness of the males' voices. They are speaking coyly to each other but are not even looking very much at the other two who are talking to each other as well to void the silence between the groups. When others walk up and say hi to the girls, their faces light up disregard their cellphones for what seems to be a welcome change, but once the encounter ceases, it goes back to not so witty banter and awkward giggles. 

But in this circumstance, the laughing becomes less hollow and more genuine as they talk more. One of the girls is talking to one of the guys and they are speaking louder and more confidently than before. Although, they are still eating rather slowly and looking at their phones quite a bit, they have not tried to leave or exit the conversation exactly. They have sat there laughing for about twenty minutes now likely talking about things that they have finally gauged that they all have in common. There is still an imaginary border centered on the table that has not yet been crossed by either party, had it been, the awkwardness would have ensued I assume. 

As a result, the group left together, walking closer, but with a noticeable gap between the genders. As they became more comfortable, the boundaries have shrunk a bit but are still apparent. As they walk away, there is quietness but also more contentedness than awkwardness. Perhaps the banter was enough to win over the girls, or maybe they just accepted each other's personality types. The differences in both the guys and the girls was also very apparent. One of the girls was a brunette in yoga pants and an NMSU shirt with a ball cap on while the other was in shorts and wore a baggy sweater and glasses. Both males were clean cut, one with a polo shirt and colored shorts and flip-flops and the other was wearing a bro-tank with pants and cowboy boots, college is a weird mix of people. One of the boys had a Texas accent while the other none and both of the girls had deeper laughs than most. Both parties lacked over-all confidence in conversation which is what made it awkward at times but both groups were comfortable talking to their own gender.

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Rainy days seem like some of the most interesting days to watch people. There are two types of people, those who love the rain and those who don't. Those who do are obvious, they are wearing their coziest sweaters and perhaps even packed an umbrella for the day, while those who don't perpetuate summer attire. Those who don't seem to enjoying the weather are still wearing shorts and tank tops and shivering periodically. Those who do are caressing their warm cups of coffee or smirking when they look out the window, those who don't are still drinking ice tea and viciously rubbing at their bare arms above the elbow to retain as much body heat as they can muster.
I for one welcome the rain any time it will come. Cold rain is inspiring to me and males me want hot coffee instead of the iced that the summer brings out of me. Warm rain makes me want to walk in it and soak my hair, enjoying the smell of wet grass and concrete. I can see that in the faces of others, some people who are walking in are breathing heavily and basking in the smell while others are damned with the curse of allergies.
Although it is windy and murky outside, the air conditioning is still on in the food court making more and more people shiver and stir about in their seats, irregardless of sweaters and sweats. But outside, having just come in, is fairly warm with a chilly wind; accentuated by the air conditioning inside, the outside is not so sullen. Fall is most evidently upon us when the wind is louder than the television and occasional sneezes and wheezing of the few students actually tough out the AC. The effervescence of pumpkin spice and cinnamon is evident as well, I feel as though I am the only one drinking regular coffee anymore.
Every time I do these field notes, I see more and more recognizable people walk past me. We almost always make awkward eye contact and I am convinced that they think that I am watching them. It always starts as a one-second, an eye to eye interaction before one or both of us looks away, but then has turned into repeated glares. Once I have been caught looking at someone it is hard to then look away. I feel tempted to tell them what I am doing, but it is perhaps more interesting this way instead. Not everyone that I see often seems to give off this vibe, however. Some people seem to be more welcoming to the attention with smiles, waves, even saying hello in passing, this is quite nice but always seems to take me off guard, I can never tell in time if they are directing it to me or almost always, people behind me.
During this time, I like to think about what else I have to do for the week and plan it all out to make the best use of my time. This is occasionally convenient given the fact that many of my classmates have been walking around and given me an opportunity to ask them about the work or readings or vice-versa.
There is always something so enchanting about acknowledging someone in public that also acknowledges you, it makes you feel special and nostalgic, even if that person is not someone that you normally converse with. For me, I was approached by an attractive girl that I always see in class but don't talk to because of the lecture based environment. She walked up to me mid-sentence and took me off guard. She asked me the usual questions that are meant to break the ice but only extend the awkwardness of silence like "how are you?" to which I respond "I'm good, and you?" It is a vicious cycle of asking questions that you don't actually care to hear the answer to. But now that I pay attention, I would say that that is happening all around me, between most to all of the people that run into each other unexpectedly, and perhaps even expectedly. Then the conversation turns the attention to the only thing that we have in common, class, and she asks something along the lines of "did you do all of the reading for tomorrow?" to which I have to wonder; if I say yes, I'd lying and sound like I may be bragging and based on her tone, she hasn't so I'll say no. However, if I'm honest, I almost always sound lazy or force the topic to shift awkwardly again by her saying something like "oh". All in all, I told her that I hadn't done all of it yet to which she only said "me neither" before saying she had to go. I can almost swear that I have had that conversation with numerous amounts of faces in my life, and from the looks of it, I'm not the only one.

Tis the Season

Football season is the time when people support whichever team or player they most enjoy by wearing jerseys. Watching sports fanatics react to one another, whether they support the same team but especially if they don't, is highly entertaining at first. As someone who is not a fan of football, I look at those who do as the same, I do not classify them as one thing or the other, like they seem to do, but rather all as one group. In Las Cruces, many people are either Broncos fans or Cowboy fans with every other type of team sprinkled in here and there. 

It is easy to see who is a bandwagoner through the hype however, they aren't as loud and expressive about their teams like everyone else is. People who have been fans for years talk about their team like they are personal friends to the players, maybe even like a coach does, including discussing plays and stratagems. While newer fans (bandwagoners) are more physically supportive rather than verbally. Many new fans wear jerseys often and also other memorabilia such as hats and lanyards but don't discuss the games religiously. 

At the table over there are a slurry of people from all walks of life, there is a Sodexo worker, a man with a beard and jersey, and a few more athletic looking men along with people moving from table to table discussing football. The more athletic fellows are not wearing anything that would indicate that they are fans but are talking about players like they would their first cousin, saying things like "Tommy should have ran left, I don't know what he was thinking, it was common sense, You know (coach's last name) should have made him sit that one out." To this, I am bewildered because the other bandwagoners are just sitting there quietly and listening, nodding and interjecting with irrelevant phrases from time to time or changing the subject altogether. 

Meanwhile, everyone surrounding us is watching college football on the television and ranting about similar things. There is no doubt that this is not my environment of choice, but feigning interest in the sport by watching, makes others approach me and ask questions about what I think about what is happening to which I have to admit that I have no idea what is going on.

As the table next to me raves and rants, one of them is getting upset about the opinion of one of the other guys there. One of them said something about how a player sucks and he stood up to defend him on a personal level, referencing something from his Twitter account. It amazes me how people keep up with these things. The other man did not stop there since he also referenced his rookie year and his exact rushing yards and other statistics that I was even more unfamiliar with. For the rest of the time, people would occasionally scream at one another and the television.

King Me

Finally today I get to see a repeat group come through, although with new people and at a different time. Its a chess club or group of enthusiasts that come at times when there are not many people so that they can take chairs and tables from anywhere. Since many of the tables are perfectly square, they make for great chess tables. They have several tables and paper chessboards with generic plastic pawns and kings and bishops.
All of the people appear to be college students but some look young, perhaps freshman but its possible that some are still in high school. There is no visible hierarchy in the group, people just show up and sit down anywhere and start playing with anyone who is in front of them. It seems to be a great way of meeting people because it looks like there are not many of them that knew each other before the meeting but they are all laughing and playing chess. However, there statistically has to be that one person that gets angry and over competitive, this time it was a middle-aged looking man that left the group to sit by himself.
On the side are several other people just watching, not unlike myself, probably don't know how to play or are intimidated by how quickly these competitors are making moves. I know very little about playing chess, enough to play with other people at my very beginner status, but playing against someone who knows how to play well would be an insult to them. One player seems to be undefeated and yet doesn't celebrate his wins, maybe because they come too close together to celebrate every five minutes, because the others celebrate theirs with at least a grin or gesture.

The Watering Hole

 Unfortunately we decided to come now that the food court is closing. However, the final flurry of college students rushing in, only to be disappointed is among us. The last lucky few gallivant their winnings around the other hungry predators. Taking this into consideration, it makes sense how everyone who was already there seemed to be perfectly content with their homework sessions and study groups but the newer groups forming for the same reason it seemed were more quiet and agitated. Although it seemed that they were all doing the same thing, plus or minus a few groups that just seemed to be hanging out, the ones who were there before me were talkative and in small groups while the new arrivals were quieter, sat further apart, and were mostly on their phones. It could be that these people were divided by those who are getting ahead on their work and those who are catching up. I would assume that the larger groups were behind while the louder groups were ahead based solely on their work ethic and body language.
When I look at the groups walking through, I can't help but notice that people mostly walk in groups of three despite their physical differences, although occasional cowboy/cowgirl groups come in larger groups with smaller following groups (perhaps a club) and athletes and fraternity/sorority groups walk in larger herds. It is frustrating for me to see a group of ten people walking through shouting and hollering about what seems like nothing, only to make their presence known to everyone else, especially when the largest group to have walked through (a fraternity) all looked nearly identical in appearance. Why would a group consist of the same people, I get that it is easy to make friends with those who you have much in common with but conformity takes away from the importance of individuality.
While groups are popular, I also notice that there are many more people eating and working alone than I remember. They seem to give off this vibe that says don't approach me by wearing their backpack and having large headphones on while taking up a whole table for themselves and yet stay on their phones most of the time anyway. When I was a freshman, people seemed more approachable and less like they were trying to eat alone. Perhaps they are fixated on a certain task and would like silence but even then, there are much better solitary areas to go, like Zuhl or at least the second floor in Corbett.

Crossroads

That being said, the community of on-campus college students has changed, the atmosphere is still ever changing with constantly different groups being formed. People that never seem to have associated with one another in high school are suddenly best friends in a collegiate setting. The race to make friends began on the first day of move in and it is still just as competitive. As we observe groups walking past, some settling near us, some off in a hurry, it is clear that most of the humans being observed are uncomfortable as they seem to look lost at all times. Many people seem to walk through as if looking for their lost puppy, only to be disappointed and leave quickly with roses under their eyes.

At the same time, athletes come through with an entourage of at least four other people, blanketed in school spirit shouting hype as if to start a pep rally. Of course, they seem to know everyone and cannot walk through unrecognized, I've never seen them before and I've likely been here longer. Golfers walk in, walking feet from each other but in a line, clogging the traffic in the hall, one of them was complaining about the pain in their feet, but happened to be wearing slippers and looked fresh off of the course.

The groups  that have stayed here don't seem to have very much in common besides friendships or classes or majors it seems like. Each small group is mixed as ethnically as possible. It is interesting to see that there are so many people hanging out and talking that never seem to look like they would be friends outside of college. If they didn't happen to be in the same sorority or Anthropology class, then they do not look like they would have made friends with each other. This perfectly describes my roommates and myself, all best friends and all so very different.