The Pretzel Creep

Creeping on the Pretzel Guys

Fieldwork Week One

9/4/2014

I'll admit, somehow today has been rather slow. Not many people stopped by for pretzels, as I was at my location at sort of a dull hour of the day. I've made a note to try to stop by on Saturday mornings rather than Thursday afternoons. For the sake of this documentary, I will be changing the names of every location, every person, and even myself. We'll call my location Stink Valley Mall. It's really not all that bad, but there are lot's of preteen girls wandering by with much too much perfume on. Observation number one. I wonder why there are so many of them here on a Thursday afternoon? Seriously... there are swarms. It's like ever preteen in Las Cruces is walking back and fourth with their friends in some sort of ill fitting grunge style. They all seem to flirt with other preteens while trying to avoid their mom. Perhaps this is some sort of middle school dating ritual? Either way. I shall dub them Mall Rats. The only reason that I mention them in such great consideration is that one seems to be interested in a pretzel guy. I only know this because I'm posted on a bench in front of the place... certainly creeping on the pretzel guys. We'll get back to that in a moment.

Anyways! The mall rat in question has  hair that reminds me strongly of a cuckoo bird and a skunk that may have gotten too frisky, so we'll call her “Hairspray.” Seriously. This girl's hair defies gravity. Miss. Hairspray seems to have taken a fancy to one of the pretzel guys whom we will call “beardie.” I didn't notice at first. It seemed like she was just walking by loudly with her friends. Until she walked by twice. Then three times. And then a fourth. Each time this girl would walk by she would fluff her hair like a peacock and sort of strut. I mean... strut as far as strutting goes when it comes to a lanky preteen girl. She would raise her voice boisterously and look out of the corner of her eye at Beardie, trying to get his attention. Beardie caught on to it too, by the fourth time. So did all his friends. I could tell her actions were making him increasingly uncomfortable, as I'm sure Beardie is at least 10 years older than her (college age I'm sure), and not looking to do anything besides make pretzels. I do not think this is a usual occurrence as Beardie seemed quite perplexed as hairspray flipped her hair and talked and giggled with her friends loudly. Most times he just focused on rolling pretzels out as fast as he could. I must admit, it made for some pretty entertaining fieldwork, watching her strut and him trying his best to ignore her ill concealed, but very innocent, infatuation. She didn't have the guts to buy any pretzels, but eventually stopped walking by. I can only assume that after almost 30 minutes of this behavior someone came to claim their child. It was fortunate for Beardie, but unfortunate for me.

As soon as the distraction of Hairsprays wild attention tactics disappeared, there was almost an awkward lull in Stink Mall. So much so that even I, a very unseasoned mall goer, thought it may have been just a little too quiet and a little too awkward. Occasionally a couple or small group of friends would pass by the pretzel stand (we'll call it Greasy Petes). They would either guffaw and keep walking or their eyes would fill up with a dewy desire and almost awe at the butter saturated goods. They would eye the stand stealthily until they could no longer take it.. then give in and buy the greasy little bites of delight. I saw this only once or twice, and that was the only cover I had.

Eventually, after 45 minutes, Beardie and the rest of the gang (Tatt Man, Frizz, and Blondie) realized that I had been staring at them intently for almost an hour. They also realized that I had been writing things down about them. For instance.

Beardie is the master pretzel roller of Greasy Pete's. I'm kind of jealous, actually. His pretzels are fast and accurate.

Tatt man will try his best to work register if he can. He also was the one that ducked from the prep area to the back room for supplies.

Frizz is really good at getting people to eat free samples and guilting them into buying pretzels. It's an art really. I need to ask her to teach me. I call her Frizz because her hair was very very frizzy, even under a hat.

Blondie is the goof that generally does whatever he needs to do to make time go by faster. He took his time rolling pretzels and seemed to be the one that laughed the most out of all of them.

Tatt man was more serious and maybe even annoyed, but beardie seemed to smile and laugh. Frizz was almost always too busy trying to stuff pretzels down peoples throats to notice.

Either way... they noticed me staring and taking notes. At this point I didn't know who made them more uncomfortable... Hairspray or me. Either way, the last fifteen minutes was spent sitting in front of greasy petes was in an uncomfortable silence as they stared at me and I stared back. The awkwardness was amusing, as we stared at each other as if one of us had a third eye. They rolled their pretzels silently as I watched them roll them silently. That was the extent of my adventure. They were probably unsure as to whether or not I wanted pretzels. At the peak of the stare downs awkwardness (When I was fairly sure one of us was about to explode) I finally got up and wandered off silently, offering no explanation to my actions.

Just as I have dubbed them Beardie, Frizz, Tatt Man and Blondie...
I'm sure they have dubbed me the Pretzel Creep.