Overpriced and Overpadded

Lord of the Creeps

Field Notes September 13, 2014

You would not believe how many people can possibly fit into Stink Valley Mall at one time. You may think that I'm exaggerating, but I'm more than fairly sure that at least three quarters of Las Cruces is here…. which I guess is great for observation, but I find that sitting on the bench in front of Greasy Pete's for extended amounts of time gets you some strange, if not dirty, looks. The mall is certainly loaded with the usual pre-teens, their parents, old, young… it's like a human zoo. Although… my eyes were peeled for certain people. Much to my dismay, Hairspray (The preteen kid with gravity defying hair) Wasn't here today. Neither was beardie (The champion pretzel roller of all time ever.)

I was pretty disappointed in this as I was hoping to be able to start to look for a pattern at Greasy Pete's stand, but hey. Life happens. Start over. 

So there I was, sitting in front of the Greasy Pete's. The way the shop is located places it almost directly across from a very famous bra shop known for their slim (and well endowed) female models. We'll call it… "Overpriced and Overpadded." 

I couldn't help but notice that most young females (from about 16 or so up) Would stare dreamily at the pretzel stand, look down at their stomach, and then look to Overpriced and Overpadded, and their daringly thin and wonderfully endowed models. You would not believe the looks of torment in these young ladies faces as they were torn between the calories and attempting to fit into the very unrealistic perception of female perfection. I found this an interesting observation as I heard complaints several time over the course of my hour as to the placement of Greasy Petes and how they wished they could eat pretzels and look like the girls that modeled for overpriced and overpadded. I found it interesting that most times the girls would scurry away from the pretzel place like the plague, or scurry away only to bashfully break down and timidly approach the stand on their way back out. 

Since when did it become shameful to eat Pretzels?

Aside from that, I had more coverage than last week's drama to do my best creeping on the workers at Greasy Pete's. There were all new workers with the exception of Frizz, the extremely convincing pretzel slinger. Something told me the stand utilized her skill on Saturday mornings when the mall was so full it was about to burst. She was charming as ever, and her main clientele seemed to be young men around her age. I'm not sure if that was because they wanted pretzels, or her number. I think most times it was a combination of both. There were only two more people working the stand today, which is why they all seemed so… flustered. They must have been short. One was a shorter stout young man with thick forearms that was furiously rolling pretzels out, bless his heart. The other one was a taller lanky girl working the register. She was meticulous at remembering to mention that "cheese" was available with orders along with a plethora of other side dipping sauces for the greasy little bread balls. It seemed like it was quite an intense day for the three, as they were hustling and hardly got any down time for what was close to an hour.

The mall goers were in thick swarms, like mosquitos in a Georgia swamp. If you've never been in such  a situation (Swamps and all) Be grateful. It's eerie and smelly and you get mud in places you never thought you could. HOWEVER! The swarm of human mosquitoes was SO thick that it was almost impossible to discern if there was a certain type of people that enjoyed Greasy Pete's Pretzles more than  another. In fact, I would argue that they were an all around desired delicacy. They're pretty cheap, making them available to all financial ranges… and I think just about any human likes bread and grease. I would be lying if I tried to argue that one stereotype, race, ethnicity or group of people liked pretzels more than another… but I can say that there are certain types of pretzels that get more love than others.

Yes, it's quite true. Just like the models for Overpriced and Overpadded, certain pretzel types seem to be desired over others, and viewed in the light of perfection by us humans.  Shocking, yes I know. 

The top three winning pretzel types (that I noticed anyway, don't quote me) appeared to be..

1.) Sugar and Cinnamon

2.) Plain

3.) Pizza Pretzels

Pretzel dog's were a close third, but I think I saw more pizza pretzels than pretzel dogs. 

It was so busy that the workers didn't really notice me, and it was hard for me to study them closely as there was almost a wall of people between us at any given time. I was disappointed to discover that there was no real pattern between pretzels and who bought them, nor had I been posted there long enough to establish real regulars (besides Hairspray pining over Beardie). 

Perhaps I will have better luck with pattern establishment next week, as it is my last week before I move on to another food venue. Perhaps once I compare my observations between the two places some patterns will establish themselves. 

Over and Out!